Welcome, and thank you for visiting Sherpa of the Mind!
Sherpas are expert mountaineers who work as guides in the Himalayas. If you ever decide to climb Mt. Everest, you will want to employ Sherpas. The work of a psychotherapist is much like that of a Sherpa. We serve as expert guides, helping travelers reach distant summits safely and efficiently. It is up to the individual client to choose the summit, but we lend our expertise in selecting routes, recognizing hazards, marking accomplishments, and pointing out the beauty of the journey itself.
This blog is a place for sharing the observations, reflections, and insights of my work. I don’t claim to have access to any special wisdom or knowledge, and nothing expressed here should be taken as professional advice or as a substitute for professional services.
Enjoy!
Jeffrey Noethe, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Portland, Oregon
By Jeffrey Noethe, Ph.D., on April 3rd, 2010
In Part 1, we concluded that, while feelings (i.e. emotions and sensations) are a constant in life, suffering can be reduced by letting go of control. However, control also serves as a coping mechanism for handling stress, so reduced control means reduced coping, which can add to suffering. Here are the formulas we used to represent these lines of thought:
(10) Suffering = Feeling x Control
(12) Suffering = Stress / Coping
While the overall effect of reducing control may be positive, our formulas suggest that we can also reduce suffering by reducing stress and increasing coping. Reducing stress generally means taking some of the stressors off of our plates, while increasing coping means enlarging our plates through improvements in self-care and stress management. The goal, of course, is to have a plate that isn’t overflowing.
At this point, I would like to modify our control formula (10) to make room for another important variable, which is trust:
(13) Suffering = Feeling x Control / Trust
This new variable represents our degree of trust in self, others, and life. When we have trust, we are better able to let go of the feelings that contribute to suffering (e.g. doubts, fears, worries, and insecurities). Therefore, as trust goes up, suffering goes down, regardless of the level of control. However, as trust approaches zero, suffering approaches infinity.
Trust is an internal process related to how we see the world (i.e. our subjective perceptions), while control is more of a response or behavior. This means that we can address suffering through our behaviors (control) or through the personal perceptions on which they are based (trust). I believe the perception approach is more efficient in the long run, because increased trust will lead to fewer behavioral concerns. It’s a matter of treating superficial vs. underlying causes. A lack of trust causes suffering, and people often cope with suffering by increasing control, which then leads to further suffering. Both trust and control are related to suffering, but trust (i.e. perception) is the deeper issue.
If we add together the suffering derived from control and trust (13) with the suffering derived from stress and coping (12), we get a single formula for understanding suffering:
(14) Suffering = (Feeling x Control / Trust) + (Stress / Coping)
Just for fun, let’s call this our Unified Theory of Human Suffering. What it says is that, if we hold feelings as a constant, suffering goes up with increases in control and stress, but it goes down with increases in trust and coping.**
I assume that humans can never completely let go of control, so control can never reach zero. I also assume that stress can never reach zero, because stressors are inherent in life. Meanwhile, I assume that trust and coping have no such limits. At least in theory, we can lose our trust completely, and we can suffer a complete breakdown in coping. Here are my assumptions in mathematical form:
(15) Control > 0
(16) Stress > 0
(17) Trust ≥ 0
(18) Coping ≥ 0
If these assumptions are true, then suffering can never equal zero, because control, stress, and feeling are always present (i.e. greater than zero). The only way suffering can get close to zero is for trust to be very high compared to control and for coping to be very high compared to stress. Of course, all four variable are important, but no matter how much we try to reduce control and stress, a lack of trust or coping will always make suffering skyrocket!
In A Formula for Suffering (Part 3), we will conclude this exploration by looking at the role of expectations and walking through some examples to see how our formula might work in practice.
**I realize that these variables are not entirely independent (control is related to coping, stress is related to trust, etc.). I also realize that there is no single unit of measurement that could possibly quantify all these variables. These formulas are simply useful as tools for exploration and reflection.
By Jeffrey Noethe, Ph.D., on March 19th, 2010
Metaphors come in all shapes and sizes, which is good, because different people resonate with different images or concepts. Sometimes, even mathematics can be helpful in exploring an idea. A prime example is using algebra to better understand the nature of suffering. As a starting point, we will use two formulas that are attributed to Shinzen Young and his Fundamental Theorem of Human Happiness:
(1) Suffering = Pain x Resistance
(2) Frustration = Pleasure x Grasping
The basic idea is that suffering results from resisting pain and grasping at pleasure. As resistance and grasping increase, suffering and frustration increase. As resistance and grasping approach zero, suffering and frustration approach zero. These ideas go back to the earliest teachings of the Buddha over 2300 years ago, especially his teaching on The Four Noble Truths.
In working with these formulas, I like to start with a few assumptions. First, I assume that frustration is a form of suffering. Second, I assume that pain represents any negative feeling (-Feeling), including both emotions and physical sensations, while pleasure represents any positive feeling (+Feeling). Finally, I assume that resistance and grasping are both forms of control. Resistance is control used to push something away, while grasping is control used to pull something in. Here are my assumptions in mathematical form:
(3) Frustration = Suffering
(4) Pain = -Feeling
(5) Pleasure = +Feeling
(6) Resistance = Control
(7) Grasping = Control
If we apply these assumptions to our original formulas, we get the following:
(8) Suffering = -Feeling x Control
(9) Suffering = +Feeling x Control
In other words, suffering comes from taking our positive or negative feelings and magnifying them through control (i.e. resistance or grasping). We can simplify these formulas by realizing that, regardless of whether feelings are positive or negative, the rest of the formulas are the same. Therefore, we can combine them into a single equation:
(10) Suffering = Feeling x Control
If we assume that feelings are an essential part of life, even the negative ones, then perhaps we can hold feelings as a constant. In other words, reducing feelings is not really an option, so if we wish to reduce suffering, we must focus on reducing the level of control.
The implications of this formula (10) are profound, because control is a widely accepted, even celebrated, approach to life. I’m not just talking about “control freaks”. I’m talking about anyone who resists or clings to certain feelings, and that includes just about all of us! If control actually produces suffering, then we must question its effectiveness as a coping strategy, no matter how popular.
The formula does offer a simple solution to suffering, which is to reduce control. Unfortunately, while this solution may be simple, it is far from easy. There may also be negative side-effects to reducing control. Letting go of control means reducing a coping mechanism for handling stress, and with fewer coping mechanisms, anxiety increases. Mathematically, we might say it this way:
(11) Anxiety = Stress / Coping
In this formula, the amount of anxiety is determined by the ratio of stress to coping. As coping goes down, anxiety goes up. If we assume that anxiety is yet another form of suffering, we get this:
(12) Suffering = Stress / Coping
So, by reducing control, which is also a form of coping, we reduce suffering in one way (10) but increase it in another (12). What is the net effect? I believe that humans are not very good at control, and as a result, control is not a very good coping mechanism. Therefore, the benefits of control (12) are limited. I also believe that control efforts cause a lot of damage, so the costs of control (10) are great. If my assumptions are accurate, then the net effect is that control causes more suffering than it prevents.
In A Formula for Suffering (Part 2), we will continue this exploration by considering the role of trust. We will also attempt to combine our equations into a single formula for understanding human suffering.
By Jeffrey Noethe, Ph.D., on March 8th, 2010
The idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy is that sometimes, for better or worse, we can make something true simply by believing in it. This basic concept goes by a wide variety of names such as the expectancy effect, the Pygmalion or Rosenthal effect, the placebo effect, the law of attraction, and the secret. Some people would like to believe that this phenomenon is an absolute law that can be harnessed to control events, create wealth, cure the sick, or alter reality. However, if this were true, then every intense doubt, fear, or insecurity would also become real. Every panic attack would be fatal, every hypochondriac would get cancer, and every airplane would crash during take-off.
Fortunately, we are not so powerful that we can create an event simply by willing it or fearing it. Not every prayer gets answered, not every wish gets granted, and most fears go unrealized. This is a good thing. Imagine the chaos of a world inhabited by such omnipotent gods, each with his or her own beliefs, biases, and wants. Such a world would surely be torn apart by all the conflicting intentions!
While the idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy is not an absolute law, it is a real phenomenon that shapes our experiences. It does so by building upon our most basic beliefs and expectations about ourselves, other people, life, and the world around us. The mechanism is really quite simple…
- We expect that life will be a certain way.
- We look for evidence to support our expectation.
- We notice things that validate our expectation.
- We dismiss evidence to the contrary.
- We collect evidence until we feel we have proof.
- We believe that our expectation has been fulfilled.
This mechanism won’t crash an airplane, but it can easily ruin your day… or make your day. It might even be capable of killing you, albeit indirectly. Whatever you expect to see is what you will look for, and what you look for is what you will tend to find. In this way, both the optimist and the pessimist are inevitably proven right, within the realm of their own perceptions. Put in the simplest terms, believing is seeing.
We like to think of ourselves as objective observers of the world around us, as observers of truth, but the truth is that our perceptions of the world are wrapped in layer upon layer of subjectivity. Medical researchers realize this danger in their own work and use double-blind studies to control for their own expectations (i.e. the observer-expectancy effect) and the expectations of their patients (i.e. the subject-expectancy effect or placebo effect). Unfortunately, most of us are not so cautious. We plow forward with our expectations and subjective realities, all the while believing that what we see is the objective and unchangeable truth. This error of perception may seem harmless, but for those who feel trapped in an ugly reality, it is a source of great suffering. It may also be a primary cause of human conflicts and wars.
By understanding the mechanism of the self-fulfilling prophecy, we may be able to challenge its effects, but we must first learn to set aside our blind commitment to our subjective realities. We must accept the idea that most of what we see is not objective truth. If we can do that, perhaps we can learn to shape our realities after all. Perhaps we can become semi-omnipotent, at least at the level of perception.
We may not be all-powerful gods, but we are not powerless victims of fate either. The secret to our true power is held in three little words: believing is seeing. For those who can unlock the depths of this idea and set aside their rigid perception of truth, there is an opportunity to escape the shackles of fate and destiny, an opportunity to choose and be free.
By Jeffrey Noethe, Ph.D., on February 28th, 2010
People who experience the effects of chronic pain, disease, injury, weight issues, aging, or other physical conditions sometimes feel as if their bodies have betrayed them. They begin to resent their bodies, and resentment can lead to mistreatment or neglect. When a client is feeling this way, I sometimes talk about being good to your horse.
Imagine the life of a cowboy and his horse. If the horse gets sick or injured, is that a betrayal? Certainly not. The horse and cowboy rely on each other mutually, and both have limits. The cowboy depends upon his horse for work, transportation, safety, and even companionship; while the horse depends upon the cowboy for food, water, rest, companionship, and a good brushing. If the cowboy fails to care for his horse, the horse will become ill and less capable of providing for the cowboy. Even if the cowboy takes good care of his horse, sickness and injury are still inevitable over time.
How should the cowboy respond at these times? How would you respond? With resentment, mistreatment, or neglect? Or with caring and compassion? I believe that most people would advocate for caring and compassion. Even from a purely practical point of view, the compassionate approach seems likely to help the horse heal more quickly. No matter how inconvenient the sickness or injury may be, it is important for the cowboy to acknowledge the needs of the horse. If he does not, his own needs may also go unmet. For the cowboy, caring for the horse is caring for himself.
The same is true for our relationships with our bodies, and we should treat our bodies as good as we would treat our horse. Not all ailments can be reversed, even with the best of care, but mistreatment and neglect will almost always accelerate the decline.
So, have a little compassion for your body. Take care of it. Treat it well. Be good to your horse.
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